When her partner's parents detested her

I read this interesting article in the newspaper recently and it offered some realistic insights and advice on how a woman can deal with her relationship if her partner's parents, for some reason, do not like her looks, education level or family background.

• If her partner is financially independent from his parents and he is able to live independently from his family under adverse circumstances (such as under family disownership), then her relationship has a strong chance of suvival.

• If she is very patient and never gives up on communication and building a positive relationship with his parents (regardless of whatever obstacle they throw in her face), then her relationship may still stand a chance.. if her patience does not wear out eventually (4 years or longer is a little long, on a woman's youth).

• If her partner is very supportive and excellent in facilitating communication and interaction between his family and girlfriend, then the "period-of-struggle" for the relationship to work out may be shorter and the relationship has a greater chance of survival.

Of course these are just advice and a woman should also note that her relationship can still fail, even if she fits her partner's parents daughter-in-law criterion or have a tremendous relationship with his family. Conversely, women should not feel dispair or rejected when her partner's parents dislike her. Instead, they should also remember that their own parents are as anxious and concerned about their welfare as their partners' parents are.

I guess the most realistic essence here is... time...
In the Western culture, people do not really judge the "value" of a single woman by her age, whereas in the Asian culture, she will be considered as a "leftover" if she isn't attached by 30 and worse, her "fertility for babies" is running out soon (in 5 years time).

A long draggy relationship without the blessings and support from families can be torturous. As time is the worst enemy of a woman's youth, sometimes it may be more worthwhile to let it go early and go with the flow. She may meet a better man with a more accepting family the next time round.

The top 3 most irritating advertisements

#1 - Cadbury Diary Milk Chocolate TV commercial
I thought they are only airing this in Australia. Apparently, they thought it is so good that they are airing it in Singapore too. I love the chocolate but I cannot relate to this commercial or understand the humour behind it.. TOTALLY.. Can you?



Casts: Controversial (I cannot picture the looks of pinched-face children before this.)
Entertainment: Outdated (The choice of music seems to an understatement of the product's flavour and current marketing strength.)
Relevance: Not very obvious (Although there was no explicit display of chocolate in the commercial, viewers get to do some guessing-work by recognising that the pair of pinched-face kids are dressed in Cadbury's colours.... if they even bother...)

#2 - Mocca Directory TV comercials
Absolutely low budget and lame. Honestly, who's going to be inspired to surf Mocca Dot Com Directory now that it looks so uncool? Not me!




Casts: Unattratctive
Entertainment: Anti-climax (All the suspense and anticipation promised by the good visual, sound effects led to a disgusting, cheeky, nerdy face with Chipmunk's voice.)
Relevance: Zero (What has the directory got to do with horror flicks? Or I'm the only "retard" who doesn't understand it?)

#3 - Word-of-mouse spammers in social networking sites - You can learn how to cook (or make) xxx and xxx at xxx@blogspot.com.

Casts; Entertainment; Relevance - Not worthy of comments.
Please lah, give us netizens a break!

Only God knows what their marketers were thinking when they came up with these...

Is blogging your quest for popularity?

When blogging becomes your quest for popularity...

• You begin to check your blog traffic no less than 5 times a day.
• You painstakingly name the titles of your blog entries for the benefit of search engines' crawler - popular titles that begin with "How to.. What.. Where.. Why.. When..".
• You dream big: hoping that some advertiser will pay to have advertisements put up in your blog or hoping you will become the chairperson or leader of a virtual or real life community.
• You advertise your blog's url in virtually any social network which you have established a presences in, by (your own) word-of-mouth or in the disguise of well-intended advice, when what you really lack is the distribution of a printed name card.
• You get blinded by your oversized ego, when the number of your blog followers increases while you forget to reciprocate their support by reading and following their blogs too. (You forget, your readers are also doing what you are doing - checking blog traffic, answering to comments and posting regularly - so they know, when you have NOT been supporting their blogs.)
• You become committed to publishing at least 2 blog entries a week, fearing that your followers may lost interest in your blog if you are inactive for too long.
• Your blog consists mainly topics about popular current topics which you think will appeal to updated readers.. such as latest news reports, food-recipes-by-popular-demand or fashionable hobbies.
• Your blog loses its (and your) personality gradually. It lacks character as you continue to write what you think will appeal to readers, rather than to write from your heart by sharing personal opinions and thoughts.
• You confuse the meanings of hypocrisy with honesty, crudity with frankness, sarcasm with humour, cynicism with scepticism for the silent denial of feeding your oversized ego.

What you should really be doing if popularity is your goal:

1. Quit hiding your vanity. Market yourself and your life. Include photographs - let readers read and look at pictures of you in your everyday life. Publish either very beautiful or ugly photographs of yourself and those in your lives because the virtual audience always enjoy admiring beauty or bitching about the lack of it. Many successful bloggers have succeeded by doing this. Anonymity will not get you very far because people get tired of reading your mediocre writing about your uninteresting life when they cannot attach a beautiful or ugly face to it.
2. Write about controversial topic if you want your audience's reach to expand beyond your current social circle, afterall how much more of vigrous blog advertising can you do on your own? Although, you may risk losing some of your current followers when your tenacity begins to emerge in writing, it is always worthwhile to think out of the box.

When you and your blog have become really popular and successful, trust me, you can stop the tedious and repetitive task of advertising your blog's url because your readers will do that viral marketing for you. You will probably even find the task of replying to blog comments and thinking of new topics to blog about tiresome eventually. Blogging becomes a chore or duty, rather than a hobby now... but hey, everything comes with a price, so does popularity.

So you decide, will you rather remain unpopular by keeping a piece of you with you or you will rather give it up in exchange for some public (and virtual) recognition, admiration and acceptance? It really depends on what is your objective for writing a blog. Is your motivation to blog driven by popularity and readership or you feel that your writing is so good that it deserves a larger audience and some form of monetary reward?

A balloon can be inflated very easily, but the well-concealed oversized ego of a poser blogger? I am not so sure.

By the way, your friends are just being nice by not letting you know that your active "advertising or maketing campaigns" for your blog are an eyesore and can be quite irritating.

The laid back mate - WAIT.. WAIT... and.... WAIT

I think even IF I have migrated here for my retirement, I will never understand... how can a country's services be so SLOW, UNRELIABLE and INEFFICIENT?

I have been constantly baffled by the perceived "Quality of life" when I cannot get prompt services during times of emergency.

000 Service:
Caller: Hi, this is xx calling from xx clinic and we have a patient suffering from severe chest pain. We need an ambulance urgently.
Answerer: Does he or she have a Medisave card?
Caller: Yes, she is a Medisave cardholder.
Answerer: So would she like to be sent to the nearest government or private hospital?
Caller: She is in pain, just send her to the nearest hospital.
Answerer: Just making sure here because some patients have special request. Please inform the patient that we will be sending her to the Wollongong Hospital. Where did you say your clinic is located at?
Caller: I am calling from xx clinic at xx university.
Answerer: Oh sure, can you please advise the exact location of the clinic for the ambulance to park and if the patient can still walk? Or would she require to be on wheeled bed?
Caller (disgruntled): The patient requires to be wheeled on bed and don't you have our location updated in your computer or database somewhere? This is not the first time that I've called and been asked to provide description of location. This is getting to be repetitive and we are wasting time unnecessarily. Can you please record what I'm about to tell you in your database for future references?

20 minutes later.... the phone conversation ended and an ambulance was on the way.... (just imagine if you're not a Medisave cardholder.. "Adios!"..)...

The clinic attendant had to wait at an agreed waiting point along the main road to guide the medics on where to park so that the access to the clinic was quickest. The good news was - the patient was still alive when the ambulance finally arrived 45 minutes later. The teenager who was lost in the Blue Mountains had not been so lucky though (since he was unable to tell 000 his specific location ... ironic right?).

The Postal Service:
I was at home everyday, waiting for an urgent registered document from Singapore. The mailman took 1 week to drop a note in my letterbox, stating that he has come on xx date, xx day at xx time and I am supposed to collect the undelivered registered mail from his office personally. How convenient for them! FYI, I was home during that date, day and time.. as a matter of fact, the entire week! I had not heard a single knock on my door!

University:
The Dean of Student met up with me, asking me to go down personally for an interview and to submit MORE documents, hard copies and via email ( which I had submitted promptly without delay!) while promising to come back to me with a better proposal of solution to my situation. 3 Weeks gone.... No news and not even an email or call to acknowledge or certify the documents received.

Walk-in queries: Not opened by 9am, closed by 5pm (somtimes 3pm), curt service
Phone-in queries: Not opened by 9am, closed by 5pm, dodgy information and dodgy identity of attendant (so that he/she can disappear in times of clarifications).
Email queries: Stated to respond "within 3 working days" on official website and printed media with the high risk of pulling a -

• "further delay" due to "complication of customer requirements"
• "Postal Services' we-did-our-job-but-you-weren't-available stunt"

100% Efficiency?
Yes, ONLY where $$$$$$$$$$$$$$ money collection is concerned! Kudos to you for being a rich migrant!

University Fee Registrar - Absolute equity for international and local students when it comes to fee collection.
Immigration office - Payment has to be enclosed for all types of application. Decisions and replies maybe delayed or even lost (in mails) for many months before you finally get a status.

If there's anything negative that I can say about the value of pursuing an overseas experience here (education, working or migration) - it is the danger of learning and adopting this LAID BACK attitude towards WORKING and PERSONAL life.

Even if you are down under and very far away from the heart of global economy, it can still be very damaging to forget about the evolving world by losing your competency and competitiveness in the country's protectionist system. It is also very selfish for you to enjoy your so-called quality of life at the expense of others' time, money and lives, mate.

As for those skeptics or cynics who are still grumbling about their home countries, you should stop the whinning and croaking. Instead, make a huge leap out of your wells and experience the life overseas for yourselves. You will realise that the grass is NOT always greener. If it is, then don't pretend to be a patriot.

The beauty of reflection

Sometimes people forget themselves in the heat of conflicts.

Ah nehs: You didn't protect us enough, you bloody racists!
Ah nehs' gahmen: You can't protect our people, so we're not going to study in your country anymore.
Ang moh policemen: We are now trying our best and we will certainly ensure the fair protection of everyone.
Ang mohs' gahmen: Most of these people are technically de facto economic refugees. We're sure most of them didn't fulfil the academic requirements of our local institutions.

***Take a deep breath everyone......

Ah nehs - You forgot whose country this is. You forgot your status in this country. Don't anyhow call people racists. Human beings are racists by nature. Don't tell me you have never judged anyone by his or her colour, background, race and culture.

Ah nehs' gahmen - You can voice your concerns for your people but remember, forceful words are not beneficial for both you and your people.

Ang moh policemen: Why only now? If these issues have been going on for sometime now, then it is certainly an area of concern. Why did you allow it to escalate? Shouldn't you at least communicate what specific measures that you plan to undertake in order to ensure the even protection of the public?

Ang mohs' gahmen - Be gracious, you are the voices of this beautiful country. Please don't call anyhow call people refugees. You forgot a large part of your country's revenue comes from these "refugees". People may not fulfil the academic requirements of your local institutions, but they DID pay and are still paying ten thousands of local currencies (salaries) to them.. right..?


We should argue with the objective to resolve a difficult situation or a problem, not just to defend our own rights. Sigh!

Don't pretend to be a patriot

Let's face it. If you haven't already become or are not even prepared to become a global citizen, you're already outdated. As the era of globalisation continues, we begin to see overseas migration and relocation a common phenomena.

Nowadays more and more migrants are uprooting their families and homes to live in another foreign country in exchange for a perceived better life. These are the very people who have been willing to give up what they had in their home countries to pledge ligeance to another country which they believe will offer them a better quality of life. They have paid a high price and been through all the difficulties of adjusting, gaining acceptance and achieving recognition in another culture in order to resettle in a different environment. However the greatest irony came when a selected few are still proudly declaring to their love and preference for the materials in which their home countries, hometowns or 祖国 have to offer. It makes one wonders.... where do their loyalties lie?

Obviously, whatever their home countries have to offer hadn't been enough to motivate them to remain and pursue their lives, dreams or careers there. Obviously, they had been selfish enough to forgo the ligeance to their home countries in exchange for their own pursue of materialism. Obviously, they have made their own choices.

So, why are some of them still shamelessly proclaiming the love for their home countries so explicitly, when they are already (or planning to be) migrants living in another foreign country? Hadn't they forsaken that love when they ditched their former citizenships?

I don't qualify myself as a patriot, but there is one thing I'm certain about... when I pledge my loyalty, I pledge it wholeheartedly. I don't have to be explicit, demonstrative or expressive about a love that comes truly from my heart. I may be greedy but I refuse to be a hypocrite.

The worst kind of hypocrites are those who deceive even themselves.

Why are humans irreplaceable in customer service?

A recent fiasco has resulted in a series of butterfly effect for the coming months of my life and those of my loved ones.

In an interview session, the senior manager from the Student Services asked, "Were you not aware of the efficacies and roles of student represenatives for international students in the university?"

My answer to her, "I was aware of their existences but I wasn't exactly clear about the extent of help they are able to provide."

"I am surprised. I thought their functions and roles have always been actively advertised within the university students are well-informed about the services they provide."

Well... how many of us (consumers or customers) do actually scrutinize every bit of the information (relating to questions of "what if..?" ) when we are using a service? Or we have read the information somewhere but we did not retent much of what we have read because we haven't encountered the special circumstances that require it?

As far as I am concerned, this is what I know:

• As a student I became aware of the roles of respective student resprentatives of the uni during a 3-hour orientation lecture.
• I can honestly say that I had probably retented only 10% (or less) of what had been presented on that day because my immediate concerns were issues relating to enrolment and subject selections.
• After the orientation, I had a bagful of phamlets containing information about the clubs and societies and other services available in the uni but I only read about 10% (or less) of them. (Does anyone read every single one of them?)
• I did get a very clear message: If you are new or lost, the Student Services is every student's first point of contact whenever you need any form of service, information or advice regarding uni life.
• My problems escalated because I was not well-versed about the roles and efficacies of the respective student representatives for international students and I wasn't directed to the right persons or advised more thoroughly about my options by the Student Services.

It would have been nice, if the Student Services manager had said something like, "We are sorry for what had happened and we will definitely look into the product knowledge and training area of our officers at the Student Central in future." instead of "advising me to be more assertive in seeking advice from the Student Services in future. Was that the uni's subtle way of informing me that I was the cause of my own problems because I hadn't been communicating my problems clearly or (as the Student Services' manager suggested) more assertively?

The consequences relating my case had already happened. I was neither looking for somebody to blame nor seeking any compensation. I had lodged an Appeal because I felt that my problems could have been resolved in a better manner if my initial face-to-face encounters at the Student Services' booth had been more helpful and fruitful, and perhaps the Student Services was in the power to reverse or alter part of the outcome to my favour after considering my case.

**Imagine a doctor who tells the cancer patient that, "I'm sorry but this is the best I can do for you." and another who says, "You smoked too much and so it's your own dumb fault that you have lung cancer."

Sometimes, a customer is only looking for some empathy even though the answer to a desired outcome may be obvious.

After the interview, I thought about why human-touch is so important in providing GOOD customer service.. because humans are DIFFERENT from machines.

• We don't function in a standardised manner simply because we are programmed to work that way.
• We listen, ask questions and confirm.
• We observe the body languages of our customers and we ask, listen and confirm again when they look doubtful.
  
• We do not expect or assume our customers to have a photographic memory of the services available in communicated marketing media.
• We do not expect or assume that every customer should be assertive in gaining solutions or advice for their problems.
• And we say sorry and promise to do better when we have disappointed our customers. (Afterall, that is the least we can do when we can offer no compensation for our customers' time.)
• By the way, it is never cliched to adopt a customer oriented attitude that "the customer is always right" if your objective as a professional is to provide good customer service, regardless of being in a frontline or a back-end support position.
  

Was that interview helpful to me?

Not really, since it did not alter any outcome for me. It was an amiable interview and it had been conducted very professionally. I did manage to gain a better understanding on the efficacies of two very important student representatives - the Compliance officer and Uni Advice officer. It seemed to me the meeting had been more fruitful from the uni's perspectives. The Student Services could finally close and conclude my case (in Singaporean terms, "covered everyone's backside") without having to acknowledge any mistake or provide any compensation (siam sai and mafan).